Peace of Mind: A Junior Self-Portrait Diptych by Stephen Song (2011)
I Am. I am anxious yet hopeful. I wonder what I'm doing here. I hear my own undisturbed breathing. I see the relaxing sky passing by. I want to be loved. I am anxious yet hopeful. I pretend to be myself. I feel like a second choice. I touch my mouth and bite my nails. I worry constantly about the image I create. I cry about the petty slip-ups in life. I am anxious yet hopeful. I understand my expectations are high. I say things are meant to be. I dream of love and friendship. I try to look vulnerable. I hope that I can appreciate myself. I am anxious yet hopeful . I believe that even in an unfamiliar and hostile world, there are still ways to remain calm and find tranquility within one's self. To show my tension with associating with other people, I took a picture of a Matroyshka doll surrounded by a group of green toy soldiersI blurred the majority of the toy soldiers in order to create a disorienting feel of the photo, similar to being surrounded by an unfamiliar group of people. Despite being surrounded by a multitude of soldiers, the doll still manages to put on an oblivious smile, which mirrors my unworried appearance towards the masses of people. Although I may have looked like I was unconcerned with what people thought of me, inside I felt scared to no endI felt as if I was denied my desire for companionship and friendship, as instead I faced isolation and fear. My second photo represents the undisturbed peace I felt when I was alone, in comparison to the tension I experienced around others. The isolated model represents the simple and pure moments of being alone, although there remains some unresolved tension and looks of uncertainty within her posture. Despite my initial instincts resenting my solitude, I knew in my heart that it was all for the betterI became hopeful because I knew someday I would find the right people to be around. The issues of being self-conscious around others is something I still struggle with today, but having the freedom to only worry about myself is something that will benefit me greatly.